more potential backstory for my tav, feel free to leave feedback
I've always wanted to delve more into mental illness with my writing, but I've always worried about coming off as "scary and unhinged," or by giving characters who I consider otherwise "morally good" traits like insecurity/clinginess and jealousy
I sort of see her and astarion's relationship as two people who saw each other as perfect when they first met (her in an adoring "you're so good at everything I wish I could be good at" way and him in a "ugh, you're an obnoxious little goody two-shoes" way) and then growing closer as they realized more and more that they're both just imperfect people and actually have a lot in common despite being very morally different
kind of a "we're not so different, you and I" thing, but in an affectionate, sincere way
working more on the backstory of my character, bernadine (half elf druid), depictions of bullying mentioned so TW
she's projecting visions of her past into astarion's head (with his consent) to help explain to him why she relates to him and wants to help him so badly
they've been in very, very different situations re: abuse but the emotional reaction is very similar in both of them
kind of inspired by the astarion art on the official vinyl release of the OST, because that particular art had a very visceral "I've been there, I can feel that in my bones" reaction to me
(TW: self harm)
more writing, this part actually takes place before the previous part I posted
bernadine's issue is she tries to go overboard with people-pleasing to make up for the fact that she's never had friends before, and whenever she gets those "[party member] disapproved" messages she beats herself up over it, like, "oh no, they're going to leave, shit, I need to fix this"
she kinda leans on her circle of the moon druid forms as a way to pretend she's someone else instead of herself (she's aware it's unhealthy and needs to work on it)
watching some of the "romanced astarion comforts durge" scenes and using it as inspo for this because there isn't "romanced astarion comforts tav" scenes (hence me writing this fic), I don't want him to be either too snarky, or an OoC level of sappy, either
also because I'm weird and don't like making fics too sad, there's going to be a joke about "ooo there's only one dry bedroll, oh no" (astarion did this on purpose to try and get her to cuddle, it'll turn out that
1. he didn't need to go to these lengths, he could have just asked bernadine to cuddle and she'd say yes
2. there isn't actually enough room in the bedroll for both of them and it's going to be uncomfortable)
more of the tavstarion fic out of order, this time from astarion’s perspective (let me know if you think this is in character or not):
this is act 2-ish, kind of addressing a bit of a “why would such an untrusting person fall for someone who literally never talks about their past”-type hole that I admit exists as a tavstarion shipper (I assume they must have at some point, thus me writing fic)
(he’s kind of hyping himself up to be more manipulative and/or sexual than he actually is)
he’s never in his life been asked to be someone who’s supportive and lends an ear, but him and my tav are kind of slowly realizing that someone out there does care about them, and they don’t want to lose that
they’re very different people in many ways– she’s an introvert who’s very gentle unless you piss her off, and doesn’t see herself as physically attractive, but I think someone who’s willing to take it slow and just hold hands and talk might be exactly what he needs right now